June 12, 2015

5 Things I Learned from Mr. Five

I met you almost 1 year ago, we went out for almost 2 months, had 3 amazing staycations and 4 major misunderstandings. In a short span of time, I've felt everything there is to feel in a relationship that had 'supposedly' weathered the times. 

Our meeting was unorthodox, yet common these days. We talked for hours one hot Sunday afternoon and then we didn't talk for 8 months. So, upon seeing you again, I was surprised to learn that for 3 months, we've only been 3 floors apart the whole time.  We took the chance to have dinner.

1. Never trust pictures, even guys who do not edit their images. Angles can do wonders.
You were shorter and thinner than I expected, and you had this silly grin that made me want to punch your face. It looked much better in pictures. Another spoilt, rich Englishero I thought.  But, you drove me home and made sure I got in safely.  No manyak vibe, whatsoever.

We spent lunches and dinners talking about work. We were both on the same project but you were more on the tech side, whilst I was on marketing. We never really worked or sat in meetings together, but our conversations made up for it. You were patient the whole time. You even drove all the way from your house in an exclusive village in Makati to pick me up in the South, so we can go condo-hunting around BGC and Makati again, then back to Alabang. We pretended to be a long-time couple looking for a place to invest. It was funny. I didn't trust your pictures, but somehow, I saw a different side from your disapproving element and oddly, I trusted you enough to spend long car rides with you and your patience. I really appreciated it.

2. Good beginnings make bad endings worse.
We then decided to have a staycation in this glorious renovated Chinese compound. Entering its gates, an oasis in the heart of the city. Lush with green, exquisite in its vintage architecture. A carpet of grass under our mat. Our toes slightly touching dried leaves. Blue sky. White clouds. Your tanned skin. My head on your backpack. I did everything to preserve the memories. We didn't talk about our project that time. We were just...there. Peace. 

After dinner, cocooned in dimmed lights, we revealed our secrets. In darkness, the lies trickled out. Piece by piece, I tore your stories in my head. They didnt match with what you have said before. I kept my mouth shut. I stared at you, hoping you would stop the farcical chit-chat. I slept with my back to you.

3. Second chances are borne of curiosity. And sometimes, stupidity.
Our little excursion made you closer. Because of my tenacity which can be construed as stupidity, I did not let your lies deter the progress of our little affair. You were sweeter that week. You replied quicker to my messages in the middle of the day inspite of our hectic work load. 

Our dinners were followed by phone calls into the early hours of the morning, which made us light headed as if we were drunk. A state so intoxicating that we actually talked about living together in a condo. Wow ha. We were kinda serious, ha. You actually asked me to look for a condo near our office and planned our living arrangement. 

4. What burns fast, dies fast. 
Two days after the discussion of moving in together, you said you were going to a wedding. You didn’t contact me the whole day. I was cool with it. I was extremely busy. Night came and you still didn’t contact me, or talked to me. Fine, I was watching a concert anyway. You drunk texted me. I didn’t answer. The next day, I tried contacting you. Nothing. You didn’t contact me the whole day, yet you were online and your phone was ringing. You didn’t answer any of my calls or texts. Were you drunk-driving?  Were you in a hospital? Did you die?

On the third day, you rose again, saying you were in a hotel rather than under a rock. I asked who you were with, you had the most incoherent answer. Who were you with in the hotel? Wait, why the fuck were you in a hotel when the wedding reception was in Rockwell and you lived in Makati? Your family also had a driver to take you home. Naturally, we argued. Chaos. Pride. I was cut. We didn’t talk for almost a month.

5. Its easier to let someone go when theyve made all the bad choices for both of you.
Awkwardly, I saw you at work the next day. I never see you at work unless we planned to. It was a big place. I passed by you while you were smoking. Heavy. After 3 weeks, I called you up. It was Sunday, I was bored. I didn’t care about us anymore. I couldn’t be bothered to think about pride or strategy, or feelings. I just felt like calling you and I did. That’s when I knew, whatever feelings I had were wearing off, during moments when I didn’t care about consequences.

We missed each other. Immensely. I could tell. You could tell. We talked for 3 hours on the phone and we decided to maybe try again. Stupid, diba? We'd think about it on Monday. We would have dinner on Tuesday to decide.

On Tuesday, I was nervous. I was undecided, and I was late for our dinner. We ate at Recovery Food. Apt, I thought. You looked bigger than before. You looked better than I expected. Shit. As we were about to start eating, we discussed about getting back together. You said you dated someone in that month we didn’t see each other and that it would be unfair to leave her to exclusively date me again, because she was sooo nice and hasn’t done anything wrong to you. And you got all that with just one date with her. You asked if it's ok with me to date you again while you date her. Uhm, no. 

I smiled, I found the situation funny. You showed me her picture. I wasn’t impressed. You said she was 20 and was studying in a college from godknowswhere (because literally, I don't know where it is). You, a 28 something guy from a well-off family and a professional, would go for this 20 year-old student from a dating app.  My smile widened. The situation seemed ridiculous. Everything became so much easier to let go.  

You asked if I dated anyone. I told you the truth: a young marketing head from another huge company who fetched me in his sports car. Your expression changed. You flashed that silly grin. This time, I didn’t want to punch you. I pitied you.

Epilogue (Naks, ume-epilogue)

Now when I think about it, you were nothing more than just a summer fling. I've had my fair share of summer flings, but not quite like you. Everything felt as if we've experienced 5 years of relationship memories and emotions in a fraction of the time. It's as if our parting were a comma on a paper, a heavy pause drowned by a long sigh.

We recently rode the elevator together by accident. There were only four of us in that death box: you and your friend, me and mine. We stood side by side, our heads turned away. I peeked at the space between us. Our arms, your shirt, my skirt, our outlines. The distance. We talked to our companions who were clueless that we weathered some short, numbered days, together.

His name is a Roman numeral thing. 
This could be fiction.


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Listening to: Touch by Dabin ft. Daniela Andrade (Original version)
Loving: Ham
Watching: Game of Thrones Beybeehhh Drogooonn!

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