September 08, 2013

Hurrah For August!

August 2013 was one of the toughest months in my life. I admit, I was at my lowest point. I had a hard time doing this post because I really didn't want to look at my planner and recall everything that happened for that whole, fucking depressing, month. Yes, I was depressed. Nevertheless, I was able to pick myself up come September and came out like a boss. 

Here are the things that I'm still thankful for August:

1. Epsilon Chi Fraternity 40th Anniversary Grand Ball
Blue dress from Lipsy London, Charles and Keith pumps, white gold and pearl earrings from my grandmother, Swarovski watch
This was still a fun ball. I really did have a great time dressing up and socializing.

2. Jing Monis Make-Over
Another gorgeous hair color and cut from Jing!
 Best thing about this hair make-over is that the company paid for it.
Jing's staff was very attentive! I was pampered like a princess.

3. Booked Cebu
Booked one day before my trip. Yes. I was THAT sad and impulsive. BEST CHOICE I've made last August though. You can view my trip here:

4. Enrolled At The Gym
I went back to the gym last August because I want this body back ASAP. When you're depressed, the only thing to do is self improvement both mentally and physically. Also, running/exercising helps you take the stress away.

5. Dates with these guys:
I miss Zet and Lyza. Celebrated Zet's birthday filled with chikaaaa! Also had a date with Ralen and EpChi. Special thanks to my chatmates Gail and Dhimple for making me laugh!!!

Also, a big big thanks to TanTan for the ff:
-listening to me until the wee hours of the morning
-making me laugh 
-comforting me when I was down
-being there for me
-offering words of encouragement and crazy videos
-for letting me watch Moteki
-for checking up on me
 - for making sure I laugh once a day

Tan, I will really treasure the help you've given me this August. I know why your friends love's because you give unconditional support and happiness. Naks. Hahaha! You always bright up my day and make me smile. Again, thank you for the friendship.

6. Kindness of Friends and Courage 
 Before going to Cebu, I was at my lowest point. Everything caught up with me: stress, pressure, bad decisions and the pain of not mourning for the loved ones I've lost. I tried to be strong, I tried to handle everything and buried my feelings by being busy at work and not facing a painful reality. 

One day, everything crumbled. Everything unraveled, someone had finally cracked open a fragile wall in front of me. My family and friends saw me break as I spiraled down to anger and depression. I would wake up with palpitations. Fear overcame me, took over me. I couldn't eat nor sleep. I had no desire to do anything. My skin broke out, I lost weight and my hair dried up. Every night, I would cry. I would cry in the bathroom, while eating with my family and even while walking at the mall. It also didn't help that the weather was awful, all thanks to Habagat. The worst bit was when I spent P2,200 taxi fare from Alabang to UPLB. I cried for an hour during the taxi ride leaving the cab driver visibly tensed. In UPLB, I asked my friends to get me drunk for the first time. I broke down in front of approximately 10 people, crying uncontrollably, drinking as I tell them EVERYTHING. No make-up, no composure, no embellishments. I told everyone the truth of what happened to me these past few months, the people I have lost and how I lost my self in the process.

 I passed out. 

 And more embarrassing things happened. After the alcohol wore off, I went downstairs, chatted, gave out trivia like a teacher in front of drunk friends and sang my broken heart out. After all of that, I still didn't sleep well. When I woke up, I was having palpitations and I was sobbing.  After a while, I went downstairs to find a yummy brunch. My friend, Jordan even cooked an egg for me. When I realized that alcohol or any other medication could not solve my problems, I booked my ticket to Cebu. 

This is the first time I've ever lost control in front of my friends. This is the first time I've been brutally honest to anyone. This is also the first time, I've been surprised by the kindness I received from friends and strangers alike. Raffy, Cloy, Jordan and Stacy took care of me whilst the rest of Epsilon Chi Fraternity listened, worried and supported me in Los Banos. They made sure I was safe, I was fed, I had my stomach meds, I was clean and I was happy or at least entertained. Rap, Nel, Tita Edith and their family took care of me in Cebu and did the same. My family was there to support me throughout this ordeal. And so from the bottom of my heart, I THANK YOU. 

I don't know whether this post will be enough to show my appreciation but I tell you, I never forget kindness and the people who gave them to me when they did not have to. One day, I will repay all of you, but before that day comes, remember that I will always have your back. I will always be there for you, just like the time you were there for me.

I can charge all this to experience. I will laugh about this in a few years. God has a reason why I had to go through what I did and it definitely made me braver and stronger. For now, I'm slowly recovering and I can honestly say, I'm happier, all thanks to you. 

And so for September, my mantra is


and everything will be alright. 

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Listening to: The Fight Is Over by Urbandub
       Loving: September
            =(: wala na sa wakas potek. haha!

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