Mistresses. Reviled and desired. Glamorized and demonized. Spent and spared. This is the Philippines: that religious country that doesn't allow divorce, but with a long tradition of queridas. After centuries of infidelity, we've heard the pathetic excuses of husbands and spurned wives in the querida-crazed genre of films such as 'The Mistress,' 'No Other Woman' and 'A Secret Affair.' But is it really all sports cars, jewellery and summer homes? We go deeper behind the glamour and the media-friendly imagery to seek out the truth. We talk to the real 'mistresses' of Manila. What motivates them? Why do they exist? And why do it? Join us for an intimate peek behind the scarlet curtain drawn across everyone's private life in this two-part series.
Today we sit down for a chat with Linda (not her real name). Not a long-term mistress, Linda set out on a series of flings with married men, before giving up that life for a stable boyfriend.
I am very random, I’m emotional, silly kind of crazy, I over think a lot, I’m anxious, I’m also disorganized and impatient. I am really a lot.
Tell us a weird quirk of yours.
I always think about sex, all the time. I fantasize a lot and I have no control of it.
How did you start becoming involved with married men?
When I was young, I wonder how it felt to be one. I honestly dreamt of being one and it kinda came true for me. I really like men who are totally older than me and of course, most of them are married already, so that’s when it started.
What type of men do you usually go out with?
I really like matured, stable, smart men, those who have so much experience in a lot of things.
Why married men?
They are more experienced, I can learn a lot from them and it’s just really exciting.
Tell us about your typical day as a mistress.
Well, our relationship is really more of virtual so we just usually text and meet each other like once a month and have sex.
How would you describe your style in handling married men?
I’m just a flirty type of girl; I just flirt and be sweet to them.
What's the best thing about being a mistress?
The truth is, nothing, I don’t see any good about being one, you don’t get to have the full attention from him or spend time with him so often or have sex with him when you want to, so really, nothing.
Who or what inspires you and why?
My family and boyfriend inspire me, my family because they are the people I love the most and they make me feel really happy. I am so happy having a family like them and my boyfriend because he loves me no matter what kind of past I have and everything about me, even if it’s good or bad.
What kind of lover are you?
I am sweet, romantic, thoughtful, loving and caring.
What were the challenging things or situations you faced during your relationships with married men?
First, I was afraid of getting caught or being confronted. I am scared by the thought of scandals and tarnished reputation.
Did you feel guilty?
Yes, I did feel guilty, especially that I know people who experienced being cheated and I know how much it hurts and I don’t want to experience it.
Were you happy?
I’m happy when we’re having sex, but after that, I feel like a trash and used.
How did you hide your relationship?
It’s virtual so it’s not really difficult to hide it we just meet once a month.
What was the best thing that ever happened to you as a mistress?
The best thing would be having material things that I like.
What was the most memorable moment you have had as a mistress?
The most memorable would be exciting sexual activities.
Based from your experience, why do you think husbands cheat on their wives?
Husbands cheat on their wives because they want someone new to try, mostly sexual or probably they fall out of love.
Describe the married men you've cheated with, both positive and negative aspects of them.
Some of them are really sweet, and they even promised me to break up with their wives for me but of course, I wouldn’t want that, I just want the excitement. Some of them are really just jerks, all they want from me is sex, and after the sex, they just disregard me and take me for granted.
What can you say about married couples in the Philippines?
Well some marriages here work and some don’t, I have known a lot of wasted marriages and some lasting marriages too, so I believe that it still depends on how they make their relationship work, how you fight for it and how strong their love is for each other.
What message do you have for mistresses?
I hope that you try to look at the consequences of your actions, like the golden rule, “Don’t do unto others, what you don’t want others do unto you.” You don’t know how much it hurts for a wife to be cheated on; you don’t know the pain they are going through. Use your brain and remember that there are so many other men in the world.
What message do you have wives who have been cheated or is being cheated on?
If you love your husbands, stay by their sides, I know that it hurts but in the end, they will realize how stupid of them to cheat on you. Love them no matter what, fight for them, fight for your family.
But if you think that it isn’t worth it anymore, just let go, if you think that they are just abusing you as a human, forgive but move on. You deserve more than that, you deserve to be treated with love and care.
What message do you have for cheating husbands?
Think of the consequences of your actions. What would you feel if your wife cheated on you? If family is important for you then stand up for it, say no to temptations and think straight. Remember all the wonderful things your wife has done for you, remember the love that you have for them and pray. Nothing is more painful than being left by someone you love and loved you most.
-end of interview-
Join us next week, as we sit down with a 'second wife' - a real long-term love affair in the Renaissance or Capitalist tradition. Is it different? Is it any easier? And is it love? Find out in our next entry.
Listening to: Change (Deftones Cover) by Emma's Imagination
Loving: our dogs
=(: my laptop crashed. shit.