October 07, 2012

On People: The Mistress Part 1




Mistresses. Reviled and desired. Glamorized and demonized. Spent and spared. This is the Philippines: that religious country that doesn't allow divorce, but with a long tradition of queridas. After centuries of infidelity, we've heard the pathetic excuses of husbands and spurned wives in the querida-crazed genre of films such as 'The Mistress,' 'No Other Woman' and 'A Secret Affair.' But is it really all sports cars, jewellery and summer homes? We go deeper behind the glamour and the media-friendly imagery to seek out the truth. We talk to the real 'mistresses' of Manila. What motivates them? Why do they exist? And why do it? Join us for an intimate peek behind the scarlet curtain drawn across everyone's private life in this two-part series.

Today we sit down for a chat with Linda (not her real name). Not a long-term mistress, Linda set out on a series of flings with married men, before giving up that life for a stable boyfriend.

Tell us something about yourself.
I am very random, I’m emotional, silly kind of crazy, I over think a lot, I’m anxious, I’m also disorganized and impatient. I am really a lot.

Tell us a weird quirk of yours.
I always think about sex, all the time. I fantasize a lot and I have no control of it.

How did you start becoming involved with married men?
When I was young, I wonder how it felt to be one. I honestly dreamt of being one and it kinda came true for me. I really like men who are totally older than me and of course, most of them are married already, so that’s when it started.

What type of men do you usually go out with?
I really like matured, stable, smart men, those who have so much experience in a lot of things.


Why married men?

They are more experienced, I can learn a lot from them and it’s just really exciting.


Tell us about your typical day as a mistress.

Well, our relationship is really more of virtual so we just usually text and meet each other like once a month and have sex.

How would you describe your style in handling married men?
I’m just a flirty type of girl; I just flirt and be sweet to them.

What's the best thing about being a mistress?
The truth is, nothing, I don’t see any good about being one, you don’t get to have the full attention from him or spend time with him so often or have sex with him when you want to, so really, nothing.

Who or what inspires you and why?

My family and boyfriend inspire me, my family because they are the people I love the most and they make me feel really happy. I am so happy having a family like them and my boyfriend because he loves me no matter what kind of past I have and everything about me, even if it’s good or bad.

What kind of lover are you?

I am sweet, romantic, thoughtful, loving and caring.

What were the challenging things or situations you faced during your relationships with married men?
First, I was afraid of getting caught or being confronted. I am scared by the thought of scandals and tarnished reputation.

Did you feel guilty?
Yes, I did feel guilty, especially that I know people who experienced being cheated and I know how much it hurts and I don’t want to experience it.

Were you happy?
I’m happy when we’re having sex, but after that, I feel like a trash and used.

How did you hide your relationship?
It’s virtual so it’s not really difficult to hide it we just meet once a month.

What was the best thing that ever happened to you as a mistress?

The best thing would be having material things that I like.

What was the most memorable moment you have had as a mistress?

The most memorable would be exciting sexual activities.

Based from your experience, why do you think husbands cheat on their wives?
Husbands cheat on their wives because they want someone new to try, mostly sexual or probably they fall out of love.

Describe the married men you've cheated with, both positive and negative aspects of them.
Some of them are really sweet, and they even promised me to break up with their wives for me but of course, I wouldn’t want that, I just want the excitement. Some of them are really just jerks, all they want from me is sex, and after the sex, they just disregard me and take me for granted.

What can you say about married couples in the Philippines?
Well some marriages here work and some don’t, I have known a lot of wasted marriages and some lasting marriages too, so I believe that it still depends on how they make their relationship work, how you fight for it and how strong their love is for each other.

What message do you have for mistresses?
I hope that you try to look at the consequences of your actions, like the golden rule, “Don’t do unto others, what you don’t want others do unto you.” You don’t know how much it hurts for a wife to be cheated on; you don’t know the pain they are going through. Use your brain and remember that there are so many other men in the world.

What message do you have wives who have been cheated or is being cheated on?
If you love your husbands, stay by their sides, I know that it hurts but in the end, they will realize how stupid of them to cheat on you. Love them no matter what, fight for them, fight for your family.
But if you think that it isn’t worth it anymore, just let go, if you think that they are just abusing you as a human, forgive but move on. You deserve more than that, you deserve to be treated with love and care.

What message do you have for cheating husbands?

Think of the consequences of your actions. What would you feel if your wife cheated on you? If family is important for you then stand up for it, say no to temptations and think straight. Remember all the wonderful things your wife has done for you, remember the love that you have for them and pray. Nothing is more painful than being left by someone you love and loved you most.


-end of interview-

Join us next week, as we sit down with a 'second wife' - a real long-term love affair in the Renaissance or Capitalist tradition. Is it different? Is it any easier? And is it love? Find out in our next entry.

for THE MISTRESS PART 2 <<

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Listening to: Change (Deftones Cover) by Emma's Imagination
        Loving: our dogs
             =(: my laptop crashed. shit.

13 comments:

  1. I can relate, my boyfriend cheated on me. Worst part, I caught him with his mistress(his officemate) inside his room. They had a "long-term love affair", more than a year, I guess. I can't wait for the second part.

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    1. That's really sad to hear. I'm sorry. Thank you for reading our post and I hope you are in a much better situation now. *hugs from us*

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    2. No, it's okay. I learned so many things from what happened 3 years ago. I don't even know kung paano ko nakayanan lahat, pinaglaban ko yung relationship namin sa lahat ng taong nakapaligid samin, friends, family, etc.. I know I'm stupid para gawin yun, maybe I just love the person kaya kinaya ko. So much story to tell about what happened and I think this reply section is not enough, haha! Me and my boyfriend (the one who cheated me) are now one of the happiest couples alive even though we have ups and downs as a partner, I'm still happy. And I learned that trust, honesty and communication are the most important tools in every relationship. Thanks again. :)

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    3. And oh, the other girl and I are now friends. A year later, we became friends. Weird, isn't it? :D

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    4. I'm glad you were able to stick it out. Kudos to you and your partner! We're happy to hear that you're now happy and you took the experience as a challenge and learned a lot from it. We're proud of you guys :)) We really are. About the other girl, forgiving and forgetting is hard enough but being friends with her is something else. Wow, you're really brave! We wish you all the happiness and may you and your partner remain strong! *hugs from us!*

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    5. "About the other girl, forgiving and forgetting is hard enough but being friends with her is something else. Wow, you're really brave!" -- I need to be brave and I did that on purpose, I wanted to forget what happened that's why I accepted the girl's offer (friendship) and act like nothing happened between me, my boyfriend and the other girl. I asked for my friends approval about it and they said "Tama na yung nag sorry siya, ok na yung hi and hello pero yung pakikipag friend sa kanya hindi na tama yun". Until now walang alam ang mga friends ko na friends kami nung "other girl", risky pero hindi ko na iniintindi yun, nasanay lang siguro ako na lahat ng naging ex ng boyfriend ko at ex ng ex boyfriend ko e nagiging friends ko in the end. Sabi nga nila, kung tatakbo daw ako sa mga pageant for sure Ms.Congeniality ang isa sa mga awards ko. Haha! Anyway, thanks for replying to my loooooong comments, I just wanted to share my experience about sa blog post mo. :)

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    6. hahahahaha natawa naman ako dun sa Ms. Congeniality. Medyo nga risky but whatever makes you happy diba? Recently, nagusap at naghang out din kami ng bagong gf ng ex ko. Ok naman, mabait naman kasi siya ang mas bata so keri naman. Medyo awkward at first pero chill lang. hehehehe Anyway, thank you for sharing your story. Natutuwa naman ako at you gave your time to comment here. Sana mashare mo yung post na to sa mga friends mo :) hahahha thanks again and good luck!!

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    7. I feel the same when I hang out with the "other girl", super awkward pero afterwards ok naman na parang walang nangyari. I even invited her to my birthday last year pero super secret yun, ninja moves para walang makakita sa kanya na close friends ko, haha! Anyway, thanks din for reading my weird & long comments. I will definitely share your blog site to my friends. Good luck and keep posting. :)

      PS. I can't wait for the part two. :)

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    8. Anytime! thank you for sharing and good luck as well! Hope you comment more next time :) muaah!

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  2. I love this blog a lot. Me too Ms. Anonymous I can really relate. Thank you Millie for blogging this.. I

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  3. Not to be offensive or anything but I wouldn't call Linda** a mistress. A mistress is someone who is secretly having an affair/relationship with someone who is married or is in a relationship. Having a "series of flings with married men" for the sake of sex and enjoying the material things it provides the "mistress", that kind of woman is. for a lack of a better word, a "slut". Or since euphemism is used here, an escort.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your comment. Ms. Linda stated that she had had short and long-term relationships with married men. Still, thank you for your valued contribution. :)

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