November 16, 2010

Gotta Have Faith

                 There was a point  where I've felt lost. I didn't know what to do with my life. When I was in college, I had a four-year plan. After 1st sem, there's 2nd sem; after 1st year, there's 2nd year and so on. After graduation, the security of "leveling up" was abruptly taken, so soon I didn't realize I had plunged into a whole perspective of uncertainty. It was scary. It was depressing. I tried looking for jobs but deep down I knew I didn't want to do them. Six hours in front of my laptop, I was exhausted. I looked up and rested my eyes and prayed silently. Yes, I don't go to church and openly practice my faith but I do pray a lot.  I pray anywhere, anytime, even in the toilet. I talk to God. I believe we have a good relationship.

What is it with prayers then?

My mother told me (and some books told us) that if we want something, we should envision it. For a clearer vision, some suggest making lists like, "To Do Lists for 2010", "Bucket List" or some "Kill Bill" kind of list. What these lists have in common is their purpose: to remind if not nag. One way or another, they will, if not must, be done--like a nagging mother in your brain telling you what to do. Now, if you want a louder voice or a clearer vision of what you want in life, you can actually make cut-outs of places and paste a picture of yourself in that place or make a "Picture Book of Dreams". Any way you look at these strategies in making things happen, these lists serve as reminders of what you want to do or should do in your life. Prayers work the same way. When you say something like a joke, a quote or a mathematical formula, or talk about something like your ambitions, you remind yourself of what you need to remember or what you must do.    We could say that the principle behind prayers is similar to the "power of suggestion", "power of repetition/practice" or "power of words". A bad example of this though, are those people who talk big with their lies. These people fabricate false stories about their wealth, success and happiness as if trying to convince themselves their stories were true because they know deep down, they are sad and unsatisfied.  They believe their own lies, as what  Mariah Carey sang, "'re delusional, you're delusional, boy you're loosin' yo mind..." Something to that effect. Regardless of what these "fake" people say, some undiscerning people will be convinced. So if words are so powerful that they change people's lives, why not use them to benefit your self?

What if you pray every single day? That's what I did. I just kept on praying and believing that He has a great plan for me. At the same time, I wasn't stupid enough to just rely on prayers alone; like a nagging list, I became more determined to make my goals and dreams come true because I kept on reminding myself that I have them.

Then opportunities came. These opportunities came so subtly. They were mere words from someone somewhere asking if I want to do these or that, or if I want to go to this place and meet these people or if I want to tag along etc. When I was much younger I would've said "No" because of the fear and insecurities of unknown territories. But then, I got more and more subtle invitations that I decided to say "YES" to everything and a lot has changed. I summoned the courage to look beyond my fears and finally realize that He had been helping me all along. I realized that I am healthy, I have my legs and my arms complete, I have both my eyes and all my senses, I am very capable. There was no excuse not to pursue what I wanted. With this attitude and determination I was able to meet a lot of talented people from teachers, indie artists, make-up artists, models,  photographers, designers, stylists, bookers, businessmen, politicians to directors, celebrities, film crew, and a lot of beautiful people with big hearts. Suddenly I was busy everyday, every week doing what I love. I was putting on make-up, taking photos, acting, partying, hosting, traveling and everything I've wanted to do as a child. I had to cross out a lot of things in my lists. :)

I'm not saying that prayers would have instant results. When I was 11 years old, I decided that I wanted my boyfriend to look like a japanese prince or a guy who looked like an anime. I drew him in every notebook and sketchpad I could find:

Sorry, I was very young when I made this :)

Inspired by an anime Mr. Darcy. Drew this in high school? :)

It took me seven years to finally meet him:

Years ago? He doesn't look very anime but well, he looks like a Japanese prince :)

I didn't get a Japanese but a Japanese-looking Filipino-Australian from Sydney. He came all the way from another continent and changed our lives. He isn't just a guy, he is a very good friend I intend to keep which was actually one of my prayers, to have a really close friend I could trust.

You may not meet this year's goals or you think you will never achieve anything you've written down; maybe you think your life's terrible now, but if you could just stop, look up, close your eyes and reflect, you'll realize that whatever bothers you shall pass. Everything shall pass. So take a chance so you won't have regrets. Listen, believe and pray even when you're in the toilet.

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